Is a $20 cure really worth it?

March 27, 2009

One evening my sweet hubby began complaining of severe stomach and back pain. We really just thought he had pulled a muscle or something until we went to Webmd.com and freaked ourselves out. On Webmd.com you can punch in your symptoms and all of the possibilities of what you could have pop up. Of course we immediately click on the most severe illnesses such as kidney failure and organ-eating ulcers. He didn't match up with all the symptoms so we decided that if he was still sick the next day we'd call our doctor friends.

Neither of us slept well that night and finally decided to end our misery at 5:00 am. He went into the kitchen to get water and didn't come back. I went in to check on him and found him back at webmd and freaking out. (He thinks I didn't notice, but I'm a better wife than that...) He was looking at appendicitis. Since webmd made us think he was going to die, we decided to go over to the hospital and get this checked out.

Fortunately for us, the local hospital is only a block away from our house. In his impaired mental state, Jonny decided that it would be a good idea to walk to the hospital. Probably not a good decision, but I'm not going to argue with a sick man. We made our way over to the "Urgencias" (emergencies) side. Through the door we found 3 benches and a Mayan woman. The reception/cashier's area was locked and dark. There were two doors; one for "emergencies" and the other for examinations. The "emergencies" door said "Urgencias, 24 horas por dia" (24 hours a day). So we tried the door; it was locked. Awesome. Did I miss Spanish class the day we went over medical terms? Does "urgencias" really mean "maybe it's possible that it could probably be an emergency, but only when the door's open"?

We asked the sweet, Mayan lady what we were supposed to do. She told us to talk to the person in reception. Since there was no one in there, we took a seat. About 20 minutes passed, a family came in and sat down, a janitor passed though, and finally the lights came on in "reception". The guy sat down at his desk, arranged some papers, and just sat there. Never opened his window. Finally the janitor said to us, "Are you here for an emergency?" He pointed us to the guy in the reception box.

At 5:30 in the morning I can barely speak English, and my Spanish skills barely exist. The man in reception asked me a bunch of questions and all I could get out is, "My husband is sick. We need to see a doctor." He said, "that will be 60 pesos. Knock on that door," and pointed to me to the "urgencias" door. We knocked on the door, nobody came. We knocked louder, not knowing who or what was behind it. Finally a lady in an old-school nurses uniform answered. Behind the door was an examination room, where she sat Jonathon down, took his blood pressure and temperature and left saying "someone else is coming." Seconds later a young lady in jeans and an oversized lab coat (her hands inside the sleeves) came walking in. She didn't look happy to be at work that early in the morning (I wouldn't be happy about it either.)

Jonathon says I got lucky the first time I ever had to visit the emergency room in the U.S. My doctor was really nice and would smile and pat me on the arm...you know stuff sick people like (or maybe it's just me- I'm one of those huggy kind of people). Anyway, this girl was all business. She said, "who's sick and what's the problem?" She was so intimidating that all I could do was point. Finally I was able to explain his symptoms. I thought I was in the clear, until she started the follow-up questions. There was one simple question that she repeated four times before it finally dawned on me what she was asking! After repeating it twice she got frustrated and wouldn't slow down. Once I got her question answered, she said, "puedes ir," and pointed to a door going out the back of the room. I know "puedes ir" to mean "you can go". By pointing at the door I thought she meant, "you can go through that door." What she really meant was, "you, the sick one, can lay on the examination table." I guess I don't speak Spanish afterall.

Finally, she gets him diagnosed, writes his prescription and wants him to go to the lab. She gave me the crazy instructions for the lab and asked me if I understood. Fortunately I did. She said, "good, I don't have to explain it three times." She kind of laughed, but it was more like "you're an idiot" kind of laugh...not like "your 5:00 am Spanish is endearing" kind of laugh.

After we left "not-so urgent urgencias" we headed off to the lab. Unlike hospitals back home where the lab provides the testing materials, we were instructed to go to the pharmacy across the street and buy a cup for a urine test. It was 6:00 am and the pharmacy didn't open until 8. Great. So we walked back to the house, got the car and drove around looking for a pharmacy that was open. We found one. They had no pee cups, but they did have his medications. We drove around town for a bit before we finally gave up and went back home. We walked back over to the hospital (by this time there was nowhere to park) to find the hallway to the lab packed.

We went to a little window, showed them the lab papers and they said, "knock on that door." We knocked on that door, expecting the room behind the door to be empty like the first one. Someone faintly said, "enter". We didn't hear them because the hallway was so loud. By this time Jonathon was in a lot of pain and ready to fall over, so he knocked pretty loudly on the door. The lady beind the door yelled, "pasa!" We opened the door to find a very irritated nurse taking a patient's blood. Oops. Another nurse took our papers and said, "wait out here and we'll call your name." So we waited. A few minutes later she came out and said (in very good English) "you need to go to the cashier's and pay first."

So we found a window that looked like it would be the cashier's office for the lab and got in line. Right beside it was the hospital's pharmacy. Thinking I had again misunderstood, I asked the man in the pharmacy if they had pee cups (I'm so grown up, aren't I?). He said no, but the pharmacy across the street does. Of course. I then asked him where I was supposed to pay for the lab. "Oh you go over to urgencias to pay for that." Great! We trudged back over to urgencias to pay for this stupid lab. At urgencias, the guy looked at my paper and said, "you need to go to the lab for this." "I know, the lab sent me here to pay," I reliped. He said, "they didn't give you an appointment? You need an appointment. Go back and have them write the date on this." Right.

After that, we decided to just go home.

And that's our $20 Mexican hospital adventure.